Unforgettable Memories

I have been wanting to write for a while now about my first half marathon. Not that this was any crazy accomplishment or anything, I mean millions of people run them all the time, right!? Well, maybe you are contemplating running one yourself and maybe my experience will be able to help you decide!

I was never a runner. In fact, I always liked sports (softball, basketball) but whenever there were running drills in tryouts I felt like I was going to die. This really prevented me from going after what I wanted in Middle/ High School. I honestly just thought I wasn’t built to do it.  Little did I know that nobody really is built to just go and run a mile without walking and not feeling like they will die or puke somewhere along the way, but rather your body begins to adjust to the activity level you train it for. Where was that statement when I needed it in gym class when I was growing up?! Or maybe it was said, and I was too stubborn to listen.

I started running on accident in 2008 in an attempt to lose some weight. I started off on the treadmill, and I would run, then walk, run then walk. I didn’t look at the distance or the time on the machine. Once I burned 200 calories, I was good for the day. Eventually it started to get easier, to the point where I could run for the entire 200 calorie burn without walking. I figured, what the heck, I’ll try to run outdoors.  And so I did, but it was not easy at first. Just like the treadmill in the beginning, I had to pretty much start from square one again. Feet on pavement was a whole different ball game.  I didn’t really track my distance, I just kinda did a lap or two around our little block in town until I wanted to stop. My first “race” if you want to call it that was on July 4th in Lakewood, NY (The Firecracker run). It is a 10k course, but they had a 2 mile “fun run” and I chose to do that. It was do-able, so I signed up for my first race, an 8k in my hometown (4.56 miles, and mostly uphill). I was a naïve runner back then.  Let’s not even acknowledge the dumb fact that I skipped right over a 5k and went straight to more than doubling my miles in the next race! Well the 8K went “ok”, I can’t even remember my time if I tried, but I did get 2nd in my age group! (out of 2 people)! Hehehehe.  I did a few more races over that summer season, and was pretty much hooked on the running circuit. Grad school came and went that next year, and life was super busy. Running was no longer a part of it, and I didn’t make the time.

In fact, I didn’t really make the time “regularly” again until about 2012. I was teaching fitness classes, and probably in the best shape of my life (strength training too)! I was amazed at how this had improved my running.  I raced all summer, placing in my age group in several runs. The summer of 2013 was even better than the last, where I was able to PR my 5k at a 25:24, PR my 8k at a 45:21, PR my 10K at a 57:30, and train for my very first half marathon that I registered for in May 2013 with race day the second weekend of October. It’s never about being THE best, I am certainly not a “fast” runner. I admire all those girls out there who religiously win overall, and their age groups, and run 7 min miles! They are amazing! But I learned in 2008, it isn’t really about competing, it is really just improving your own running, and doing what you love. It’s about the friendships, the race day excitement, the night-before nerves, it’s about all the moments it took to get you to that day.

I trained religiously with a friend all summer, running long runs together every Sunday. I can almost recall every single long run during this training. That is what running does to you, it creates memories you will never forget. Two weekends before the race, I found out I was pregnant. I was given the “ok” by my doctor to run the half marathon. I contemplated running literally up until the morning of. I went to the spaghetti dinner with my training partner the night before, and was all ready to run in the morning. The thing is, there was a piece of me missing, a part of me was nervous because I was pregnant, and another half of me was going through some emotional turmoil.  My heart wasn’t in it that morning. I drove to pick up my training partner, and realized I forgot my race bib at home. I took that as a sign that Lucy 2013 wasn’t meant to be. If I had turned back around to go back and get it, I would’ve been late. I didn’t run, and I cried the whole way home, and most of the day, and the day after. I really did grieve this, I had trained for months.

The summer of 2014 was my baby summer. I was a new mom and still recouping from the whole birthing process. Running wasn’t there for me. I ran my first 5k post baby in November 2014 (The Veteran’s Day 5k), with a 34 minute finish time.

May 2015 I was determined to get back into the swing of running again. I decided I would run the Lucy Half Marathon again- even the thought of registering made me an emotional mess remembering what had happened 2 years prior. May and June was my “run for fun” just to get back into it again. It was a SLOW start. Again, I felt like I was going to be sick when I ran. I couldn’t run a whole mile without walking. My 5k time averaged around 34 minutes. I signed up for a few races early summer, some 5K’s , an 8K, etc. My time slowly started to improve by the end of June I believe I was able to get under a 30 minute 5k, FINALLY! It seemed like it would never happen. I tried so hard not to think back about 2013 with my 25 min 5K. I knew if I kept thinking about it, I would give up. Giving up was not an option. I was going to cross that half marathon finish line in October no matter how long it took me.

When I started the half marathon training in July, I followed the Hal Higdon Intermediate plan. I was able to follow it to a T for a good 4 weeks. My time started to improve week after week for my 5K, and 1 mile. After a month of training I was able to run a 9 minute mile, and after two months, I was able to run an 8:36. Eventually my 5K was somewhere around 27 minutes on average. I was pleased with this. I adjusted on weeks I had a race, or my training partner went on vacation, etc. We were running long runs on either Saturday’s or Sunday’s depending. Thursday’s I was teaching Kickboxing, so I adjusted those days as a cross-training day with a short warm up run usually before class. Here is what you need to know about training: it is time consuming (obviously not marathon time consuming, but it just is). My husband had to be behind this 100 percent. This is a conversation you MUST have with your partner before you even consider a race. They don’t get a medal on the day of the race, but they sure as heck deserve one. He let me sleep when I needed sleep (with a 1 year old, this isn’t easy), he sacrificed some good mornings of fishing to let me get my long runs in, but we compromised as he would fish when I got home or vice-versa. We went on dates when we could, and somewhere along the way I lost 25 lbs. I was naturally eating better because I felt my body deserved good stuff (nutrient dense, nutritious foods). I didn’t ovet indulge (but I still had a treat now and then)! I didn’t set out to lose weight, even though I needed to… but it just happened, and for that I am thankful.

My mood improved drastically. I was happy again (not that I wasn’t before), but I had some “me” time, and that made a 100 percent difference emotionally for me. My friends, Nichole, and Alycia were constant support along the way. We kept (and still do) keep an ongoing conversation going about running/ training, and other mindless things that we can laugh about.

I looked forward to long runs (mostly) & , again I can remember almost every single one of them. Our 8 miler was hilly and was in Nichole’s neck of the woods. Her son joined us for the entire course on his bike and was a total trooper. Our 9 miler was when Nichole returned from her stay in Canada and we had taken the week before off from long runs- it was 3 laps around Cassadaga Lake (and our last long run there).  Nichole is notorious for hiding bananas along the course so that we can refuel half way through. We have somehow mastered being able to eat the banana while simultaneously  running. Mile 10 was  a music-less run in a downpour rain testing out the course of the Lucy. It was our first double digit run. Our 11 miler was probably my favorite, starting in Jamestown, heading to Falconer, along some country roads in Falconer, taking us back out into Jamestown & up- hill for the last half mile. We saw donkeys, chickens, and lots of other farm animals along the way! We saw yard sales getting set up, and we even had a few people honk at us in encouragement and support! It felt great! Nichole always finishes strong (and with her longer legs) it makes it impossible for me to even try to catch up. I remember seeing her go ahead up that last half mile stretch on our 11-miler and seeing some folks smoking outside their apartment as we headed into Jamestown. I paused for a moment to walk as the hill got steeper, and they shouted “she’s beating you”, and I just smiled and said.. “we are just finishing 11 miles”, and watched their jaws drop while they said a few profanities as I continued on.  That was our last long run before race day, even though Hal Higdon suggests a 12-miler prior to the race on his intermediate plan.

I really enjoyed the intermediate plan, alternating Wednesday runs with speed training, and tempo runs. Something I was not familiar with before this training program, and I do feel like those runs are what contributed most to my improved times. The only other thing besides my kickboxing on Thursday’s that I occasionally made time for was Power Yoga.

Here is another thing  you must know- you may get some black toenails. These toenails will fall off. It can be painful. J But seriously, it’s worth it.

Race day was finally FINALLY here! I can’t even describe what that feels like. I picked up my race packet the Friday before (that’s how excited I was- TWO WHOLE DAYS BEFORE THE ACTUAL RACE)! There was no turning back now. The three of us rode together to the race, calming nerves along the way. The race began without hardly any warning- bam and we were off! We admittedly began a little faster than we should have, but we felt fine so we kept with that for a bit. The course begins at the Jamestown Ice Arena heading down Washington street, looping around Brooklyn Square, up North Main and then back across 3rd street just to pass the Ice Arena again, but it is kind of a cool start… once you go through the Ice Arena the second time, there is fun music blasting and lots of people cheering you on. I was able to see my in-laws cheering me along in Brooklyn Square on the first mile. After the ice arena- you’ll go through a down-hill ally-way that will led you onto Jones & Gifford. Right before the Ally way we saw “Lucy and Desi” standing outside of their hot rod and waving us on.

We made it into Celeron around mile 3.5 or so, and I began to feel a side cramp come on (or  a side-stitch as a lot of people call them). This was my biggest fear. Luckily right as it set in there was a water stop where I took some sips of water and even Gatorade (normally I wouldn’t but I had read up on side-stiches earlier in the week and read that electrolyte beverages can help). I kept on running… during this mile I felt something on my lip, I touched my lip and something was stuck on it- I began to pull whatever it was off my lip and throw it. I immediately felt pain and realized it was a bee and I had been stung on the inside of my lip. This led to immediate screaming and some tears. My lip swelled and my pace dropped from 9:30 to a 10 minute mile. I hadn’t come this far to stop at mile four because of a bee sting. Thank god I am not allergic so I just pressed on. Nichole who could have continued on without me stayed with me, and for that I am so grateful. It was just kind of quiet and peaceful as we kept running through each town. Celeron lead to Lakewood, and Lakewood back to Celeron, and Celeron then back to Jamestown. It was when we arrived back in Celeron around mile 9/10 when things went from peaceful to, “let’s take turns complaining about how much this sucks now”. Looking back, it is laughable, poor Nichole started getting pain in her hips (which has been an ailment of her in the past but never returned all summer until race day), and my side stitch was back. We took some walking breaks at mile 10, I think I lost her around mile 12 (she went ahead as per usual), as we got to the last stretch on Jones and Gifford (that road seems like it never ends) and headed up the last hill. The hill. It was the same hill (the ally-way we took “down” in the beginning when I thought to myself- “oh this shouldn’t be too bad on the way back up”). It was bad, and I walked most of it with the worst side stich of my life. My goal for the half was to finish, and then I set a goal half way through training of a 2 hour 15 min half (secretly though I was hoping for around 2:10). My official finish was 2:12, maybe without the bee, and the side stich I could’ve done it. No, I know I could have done it… but that’s just the beauty of running, you never what obstacle you’ll have to encounter, and that’s what makes you stronger the next time, and the next time, and the next time. Next race will be like “if you can get through 13.1 miles being stung by a bee, you can finish this”.

Seriously, if you are on the fence about running, I dare you to get up tonight and either hop on a treadmill or pavement, don’t look at the time, don’t look at the distance, don’t even care at ALL about a calorie burn, and just move. One foot in front of the other. I guarantee tomorrow you will run a little further than today, and the day after that a little further. Soon the runs will be a little faster, and a little longer, and a little stronger. I am so glad in 2008, I “accidently” tried it. Just do it.

Takeaways:

1)      Family support is a must

2)      Train with a friend

3)      Find a good training schedule/ program

4)      Play tetris with training program – as life DOES happen and you won’t be able to be perfect about it.

5)      Compete with nobody except yourself

Pause...

What many people don't know are some very private, dark issues that I have been through in my life, both more recent, and in the past 10 years. These are things that I kept swept under a rug away from most people in an effort to protect the names of those who have triggered this pain. Why drag them through the mud when they are trying to get their life on track?

What that leaves me with though is a big dark secret. Luckily, there is one light in the midst of all of this; my son. He keeps me smiling through the tears! Seems like I am constantly on this pursuit to find happiness or to have this hole filled in my life. What could I do that would make me happy? "Oh, I know... if I just lost 15 lbs and got in shape, I would be so much happier", "If I start running again, I'll be happy", "if I start my own business, and could stay at home more,  I would be happier", "if I had a girls weekend and got away for a bit, I would be happy", "if we could have a date night I would be happy", "if we could move into a bigger place", "if only I could get a new job", and the list goes on and on and on. To the point of driving my friends and family away because there is always a new thing I am going after or searching for. I am never content just sitting with the uncomfortable emotions.

... I am a good momma, I might be a little guarded with myself and my emotions, but I am a scarred and wounded soul. It doesn't mean I dislike you, it means I simply protect myself first. It is a natural defense mechanism that I have developed due to the things I have experienced. We are all human in this world. Accept this difference within me.

I was talking to a friend recently who has reached out to me at the perfect time. I was telling her about not feeling like myself anymore,   and about going back to counseling (because in my eyes, there is absolutely no shame in admitting when you need this in your life). She reminded me of some of the qualities she saw within me when we were younger. When she began to jot them off, tears streamed down my face... "graceful, kind, nurturing,  and a gentile personality". I still feel those qualities but they are overshadowed by anger,  depression, & anxiety most of the time. What a burden it is keeping these things buried under a nurturing soul. Why can't I go back to those times when I was "undamaged" "unhurt"? Why did someone have to steal those things away from me? These are the things that rage within me. A part of my pursuit is learning to let them go.  I absolutely have control over someone being able to steal those qualities away from me. And how dare they even tried.

I know the saying goes "the search for happiness is not in what you find, but it is in the pursuit"  I am trying so hard to live by this today... to end the endless lists of things that "I think" will make me happy,  but to pause and notice happy things day to day no matter what it is I am doing that day. To just enjoy the moment... to be okay sitting with uncomfortable and stop the blame games.

To live gentile, and love again. 💜

The Sad Reality of My Favorite Hobby...

This is a post about a hobby that I turned into a "job" but more-so because I loved doing it so much that I wanted to share it with others.

Let's take a stroll down memory lane... after high school, I joined a local gym and started taking group exercise classes. You name it, I took it. Old school step aerobics to kickboxing, even a class with people triple my age using 2 lb dumbbells for toning! It was really the group experience that I enjoyed so much and the music.

Fast forward to 2008, I decided to try a new class at the gym called "turbo-kick". It quickly became my favorite class. The instructor went on to open her own gym that focused on gymnastics, group exercise and personal training. I am telling you, if you ever get a chance... go try one of her classes. You will be hooked!! I began to wish I had gone to school for Exercise Science, but at this point there was no turning back. I really enjoyed my human biology class that was taught by one of the Exercise Science Department Chairs. In 2011 after taking a hiatus from exercise classes due to moving further away from my favorite gyms, I had gained a bit of weight. I decided something must be done, so I joined an online support group via beachbody because I recognized one of their at home workout programs : Turbo Jam (basically the at home version of the class I took). I drank shakeology, ate clean, and worked out... Turbo all day, every day (basically :)). It worked like a charm and I lost 40 lbs. Needless to say, I still missed seeing real-live human beings. I knew that since it was too late to go back to school, maybe I could become a Turbo-Kick instructor and work on getting more fitness certifications elsewhere. So... I did just that... (after becoming a Beachbody Coach, which I decided wasn't really for me... I wasn't really into "selling" products, although I did love helping people).

So I drove the 2 hours to Rochester to my 8 hour training to become a Turbo Kick instructor. I came home high on life! The training was amazing, it not only taught the format, but a lot of basic foundations of group exercise. Powder Blue (which was the company at the time that certified us and was run by creator of Turbo Kick, Chalene Johnson was an elite company, really something to be proud of). They gave us the option of joining the VIP group, so that you could get the newest choreography music, notes, and dvd mailed to you every other month. But it was just that....OPTIONAL. I didn't know if I would get a job teaching, or if I would teach at all... so I didn't join VIP, and just bought a discounted package of 11 rounds that they were selling the day of the training to get me started. Here are some of my thoughts: I think it is amazing that instructors can create their own classes and choreography, and generally I do that when I (or when I did teach) classes like boot camps etc... where you create stations or HIIT intervals, and specific targeted workouts that aren't "dancy"... but for classes like Turbo Kick, it is amazing that the work is done for you. Let's face it, most fitness instructors work other full or part time jobs, or have family's that they are raising. I can tell you how long it takes to create a routine, burn music, make sure it is approved through K&K (which is a insurance you need to have on music that protects the original artists, etc). It really can become a headache. Turbo Kick and things like it (zumba, etc) already have music that has been "okay-ed" by that organization. I knew right off the bat... I didn't expect to make $ doing this... I did it to share my excitement for fitness, specifically this FUN way of staying in shape! However, I didn't go into it to burn a hole into my finances.

My first "gig" was at a local high-school... teaching for free which was super fun because it was my first time, and it really gave  me the experience and confidence I needed.  A few months after that, I decided to rent a studio at an Ice Arena who graciously advertised for me. I charged $5 per class and they charged me $30 per class I had there to use their facility. If I did not have 5 people in attendance, I lost money. I knew I had to leave there VERY soon! Luckily, the Director of Fitness Programs at the Y sat in to watch one of my classes at the Ice Arena. She offered me a volunteer instructor position at the Y. So I began there teaching for free... but I was totally okay with that... at least I wasn't LOSING money. Several months later, I was offered a paid position. I grew my knowledge base with her guidance. I completed the foundations of group exercise course, CPR/ First Aid/ AED training's, and then went on to get certified by Powder Blue once again in the PiYo format. Soon, I was teaching 5 classes per week at the Y. I loved every second of it! I became pregnant in the midst of all this, and although I felt fine, physically to continue teaching, I was going through my own struggles at home... so I decided to take a leave from teaching for a bit.

During the midst of all this, my certification for Turbo Kick expired, but having a new born at home, and being super busy, not even thinking about teaching, I completely forgot. Not to mention... Powder Blue was bought out by Beachbody. I remember at our initial training saying we would get an email reminding us to pay our renewal fee ($30) every 2 years. I never received and email reminder. Not only that... I began seeing posts on facebook about the changes with Beachbody... that in order to stay a current instructor, you HAD to be a VIP member ($30/month per format you are certified in)... for me that = $60/ month for Turbo and PiYo. Yes, I would get the most current lessons mailed to me every other month... but there is no way I could justify $740 / year just to teach. I had gone back to teaching 1 class per week at the Y. I called Beachbody several times only to get shuffled around not having an answer to my question. I was willing to stay current in one format but not both. The other option is to completely retake the training every year. The most local training to me is in Syracuse , NY a good 3.5 hrs away.... to go for an 8 hour training in a format I have been familiar with for 7 years! And then a 3.5 hour drive home for $250. Fitness instructors get about $12/ hr... so teaching 1 class per week= $12/ week. I can't justify the costs! But again... you are almost forced into this because the pre-made choreography saves you time... a lot of time!

So this week... I contacted Beachbody a 2nd time to discuss my options... and once again, I was shuffled to 5 different agents for a total of 38 minutes with no resolve. So here I sit, super disgusted with what this has come to... a company I was so incredibly proud to be a part of, to a huge frustration, headache and expense to continue doing what I love. I hope more instructors will come forward to share their stories.

I was told by another instructor that I should teach independently and charge my own rates.... little do they know that I have been there and done that, and it is difficult to do in our demographic area where a) people already have gym memberships that include unlimited classes
b) we have impoverished areas
c) we have very rural areas

Please, please, please continue to share your stories about the changes in the fitness industry... I hate that it has become a big DOLLAR SIGN... when I know for sure they would still continue to profit if they did not force monthly fees on people... and to buy lessons as needed.

Sincerely,

A frustrated instructor

Before and After- a physical and mental journey...

How I gained weight...

 

I haven’t always been “fit” or “in shape” and if you certainly looked at me right now (currently 6 months pregnant), I really don’t look like either of these pictures!

However, the difference between now and then is that I am more conscious of my health. How, you might ask, did I make the change? I guess it started with this feeling of “I must do something”! I never felt so tired, run down, and out of shape- when you see me in my “before” picture.

In 2008 I was running, I was taking classes at the gym (my favorite being Turbo Kick), and eating fairly well. I didn’t lift any weights, mainly did cardio workouts. In 2010 my weight started to slowly creep up as I stopped working out, and started eating bad foods. By 2011 I was at my highest weight ever. I knew I needed to do SOMETHING, but what that something was, I wasn’t sure. I knew it had to be different then what I was doing before because I obviously got bored with that. 

What I decided to do...

I decided to try the at home version of my favorite class at the gym Turbo Kick, but the program for the home version was Turbo Jam made by Beachbody. You know, Beachbody? The company that has all those infomercials for P90X, Insanity, T25, etc.? Well, I knew a lady who was a Beachbody coach, so I reached out to her for support. I ended up with a challenge pack (Turbo Jam combined with a 30 day supply of Shakeology). On 11/11/11, I joined a private facebook group with 3 other ladies committing to 90 days of an at-home program, eating clean, and Shakeology (by Beachbody). The support from my coach, and the other women in the group was what really pushed me to stick with it. I am not going to proclaim there is some “magic” ingredient in Shakeology that makes you shed tons of weight instantly… but it really helped me STAY on track. It was super yummy, filling, and it gave me all the vitamins and energy I needed for the day. I read about the “super food” ingredients in it, and did some of the math. If I were to purchase the supplements that were in Shakeology separately at a Whole Foods store, I would be paying thousands of dollars. I knew it was doing something for me!

At the end of the 90 days, I lost weight. If you must know the number I think it was around 25 lbs. (and more in the months after that). More importantly, I had energy, my clothes fit better, I had more confidence, and I had created HABITS! Working out was just part of my daily routine. I didn’t think twice about it, I didn’t dread it as much as I used to. I am not going to lie, there were still days I was like “do I HAVE to?!” those were the days I would write in my support group on facebook and the ladies would remind me how good I usually feel after I work out, and to do it for myself… always motivating and encouraging me. 

New Habits, Not Quitting... 

So I didn’t just stop at 90 days… I was so motivated I wanted to try a new program from Beachbody, something that challenged me a little more. What I really loved was working out at home. I didn't have to worry about what I looked, pay a gym membership, and I could take things at my own pace. I was comfortable.  I decided to try Turbo Fire. Half way into Turbo Fire, I became certified to teach Turbo Kick at gyms. I started teaching locally at a high school gym, moved on to renting a dance room at a local ice arena to teach privately, and then finally getting hired at our local YMCA. Somewhere in between, I decided to try ANOTHER program by Beachbody… ChaLEAN Extreme. This is when I really started to change some of my body composition and began toning and noticed toned arms, legs, abs, HOLY COW! I never knew my body was capable of that! I was always scared in the past of getting “Bulky” but what a MYTH that is!!!! Muscle burns fat. Muscle makes you have a faster metabolisim. Having muscle= burning more calories sitting around then if you have no muscle.

With my journey teaching at the Y, I incorporated weights and strength training into the Turbo Kick class, and it was called “Kick and Pump” (30 minutes of Turbo Kick, 30 minutes of strength). I think my decision to teach, and become a Beachbody coach was because I TRULY believed in what I was doing. I knew that if I could do it, anyone can do it. I never had a negative thing to say about ANY of the products I had ordered from Beachbody, and gaining what I did from doing their programs ( a new “side” career, a new “life”, a new “confidence”, a heart to give back to others what I had learned). I wanted to motivate and inspire just like my coach had done for me.

My next two ventures were getting my Group Exercise Certification from the Y, and then getting certified in PiYo Strength (another AWESOME program by the creator of Turbo Kick).   I went from teaching two classes at the Y to 5 classes… 2 boot camps, 1 PiYo, and 2 Kick and Pump classes! I can't say enough about teaching at the Y... creating friendships and relationships while people are reaching their goals, and making classes FUN, was more rewarding than any weight loss I EVER had!

I went from being a non-runner, to training for a half marathon. I went from running 11 minute miles to 8 minute miles.

Disclaimer!

One thing I want to clarify- these programs and shakes are not a "magic pill" that instantly make you slim/ or fit... what they were for me will be different for you. They were a starting point for me, that got me to where I am today. The biggest help was the support I received online from my coach. Also, there are programs/ fitness plans that work for everyone- you have to find what you love... and I can help with that too if you would like! Not everyone will love Turbo Fire... find what works for you as a starting point. Something not SOOOO challenging that you will want to quit after a week.

Who's Next?? 

I could go on and on about everything I have gained, but it’s really not about me anymore. I want to pass on my knowledge and motivation to others who need it. It is now YOUR chance to make the changes you want to make, and it doesn’t have to occupy your entire life, it doesn’t mean having to spend HOURS in the gym, or spending a TON of money. 

I may not be the epitome of being in the best shape or eating the greatest at the present moment, but I have been able to keep some of my fitness routines for the most part during this pregnancy, and have been eating as good as I can. I am ready to re-commit post-baby, and use the tools I know I already have. So even though at the present time, I am not at my “best”, I still have all the tools you will need to reach your goals. Just a side note… my coach during the 90 day challenge was ALSO pregnant when I hit all my goals!

Reach out to me on FB- or email: palmpost02@gmail.com

Pregnancy Fitness... My Journey 5 months in...

Where I started

Prior to my pregnancy I was very active. I was not at my ideal weight, but at a comfortable weight that I was able to maintain easily. I am really not one to focus on the number on the scale though anyway (not anymore). My activity consisted of teaching 2 Boot Camps per week, teaching 2 Kick & Pump Classes per week, and 1 evening of PiYo Strength. Those really were my workouts as there really wasn't time for much more except an outdoor run about twice per week (I was training for a half marathon). 

I found out I was pregnant about two weeks prior to the half marathon I was training for. I went back and forth with running the half marathon, right up until the morning of the event. My doctor had approved me to run (over the phone), and that made me nervous. I have never been pregnant before, and my longest run was just over 10 miles (the half marathon is 13.1). So the morning of the half marathon came, and I was all dressed and ready to go. I got in the car and was en route to pick up my running partner. Half way there, I realized I forgot my race # bib at home. I took that as a sign that I shouldn't run, and tearfully drove back home. I cried the entire day. It wasn't about the money I had spent or that I wasn't thankful to be pregnant, it was all the time and training I had poured into the event, it was a goal I had set months and months before, and crossing that finish line, earning that finishing medal was now just something I felt I had thrown out the window. In fact, that summer... I had ran one of my best 5K's, I just felt like I was on a roll with hitting some wonderful running goals! 

I continued to teach classes, but with the exhaustion the first trimester brought and the dry heaving and nausea, I reduced my schedule and stopped teaching the boot camps. I also stopped running for the most part. 

My doctor assured me I could continue with the same activity level I had prior to becoming pregnant, but I didn't realize that it wasn't just that "easy" to continue with what I was doing before. I had always envisioned a really REALLY healthy pregnancy, continuing to eat a really clean diet, continuing with my activity level, etc. But that wasn't a decision I could make, it was a decision my body had to make and then tell my brain what I felt like doing. I think the eating was the hardest part. So many "healthy" foods I ate before- salads, scrambled eggs with egg whites and spinach, turkey burgers, veggie burgers, sweet potatoes, all made me want to vomit. I had to eat what I could manage and what sounded okay (they weren't cravings, just things that sounded better than anything else): cereal, anything bread related, and multiple dinners consisted of: pizza or mac and cheese! UGH. Things I NEVER ate prior to being pregnant. 

A Minor Setback...

Just as I was hitting the second trimester and starting to feel better, I had an emotional setback. I was starting a brand new job, which I was extremely excited about... but something in my personal life popped up that I never expected, and put me out of commission for awhile. So much to the point of having to give up teaching classes. It's so strange how one event can change your life so dramatically. I probably went a good three weeks without working out (at least)! 

Where I am now...

Slowly, as the healing process began in my personal life... I felt well enough to begin working out again. I knew I wouldn't be able to pick up where I was prior to my pregnancy, but I could continue to be active. 

I workout when I feel up to it, and some days, I make a point of working out even when I don't feel up to it, because it actually HELPS me with the fatigue... I end up feeling 100 times better after I workout. 

My workouts are no more than 1 hour, but most of them are 30 minutes. I alternate between treadmill walk/ jogs for 30 minutes (once a week or every other week), a 30 minute turbo kick cardio workout at home, a 30 minute "pregnancy" workout at home (a dvd I purchased from Target that also incorporates weights), and one of my favorites 30 minutes of Turbo Sculpt or Turbo Tone (this DVD utilizes a resistance band with medium resistance). I modify some of the moves so I can stay comfortable during every workout. I am no longer doing any "floor ab work" as protocol after the first trimester. But guess what? There are still things you can do for your abs during the second and third trimester, which are safe for you and baby! 

My eating still is not perfect. Of course, I always think about the nutrients I am giving to the baby... but I am also not pregnant every day. If I indulge every once in awhile on a slice of pizza, I don't beat myself up about. I do the best I can. I especially pay attention to getting enough water! 

Where I want to go...

I have no "fitness goal" for my pregnancy, although keeping some of the definition I worked so hard to get in my arms over the past 2 years would be a nice bonus. All I really care about is that I have a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby boy come June. I will workout until my body says I shouldn't or my doctor tells me I shouldn't. I never "over do it", and listen really well to my body when I am working out. 

My goal is to use the exercise to help me a little with the labor process, the BIGGEST physical test of time my body will go through. Maybe it'll help me get back into exercising a little easier post pregnancy? Who knows?

And guess what?? Holding that baby at the end of the BIGGEST physical test my body will go through will be MUCH more worth it than any half marathon medal I could have earned!!!

“I’ve been through quite a bit in 29 short years”

Before you begin to read this blog post, I have to throw out my disclaimer. By no means is this a “pity post” to exclaim “poor me, look at everything I’ve gone through”, nor is it a comparison to what anyone else has gone through in their life. We all have our share of struggles, pain, hardship, and sorrow… all which are handled through individually. As a Social Worker, I know that our experiences are all relative to how we perceive them. For example; two children spill their milk at lunch time, one child quietly cries in the corner and is remorseful, while the other child laughs and makes jokes about it. There is no right or wrong to either scenario. It’s the capacity to which I believe is built into our personality (which can be partially genetic and partially environmentally learned) which then leads us to how we respond. Of course, as we become older we have a “choice” as to how we respond to negative situations… but still a part of which we were when we were younger and how we responded to those situations still exists.

So before I divulge into this “quite a bit” part, I must declare what I am thankful for: My health, My wonderful family, a wonderful job, an excellent education, and wonderful friends.

Most of my “quite a bit” has occurred over the past 10 years. I really will not go into great detail as to what these things are, but can provide a general sense (enough so it will make you understand where I am today, and what I am trying to do with some of these “bits”). I just don’t feel that a blog post that is available to anyone’s viewing pleasure is the place to get “too personal”.  Like I mentioned, these “bits” have occurred over the past 10 years… I have had a wonderful childhood in a very functional and loving family, and School for the most part was fine (no complaints).

So if you have done the math, age 19 really began a whole new world of learning for me. I learned how to live on my own (not so successfully). I don’t think I was quite ready to be completely on my own, and especially married at that age, and living 15 hours away from home. I somehow became lost in a world that I had no idea how to function in. I found a job that I did enjoy, but cleaning and keeping a house just was not my thing. I was no “June Cleaver” by any means. I was also not a slob. In comparison to some of the houses I had been in of other couples I associated myself with, our house was not so bad. However, my relationship was extremely bad. It was the kind of toxic relationship that you know you should have left practically when it started. You name it, it happened to me (or us rather). When the relationship finally ended, I (of course) was upset, but it wasn’t just a loss of a relationship for me, it was a sense of failure (that I had done something wrong), even though on the contrary, I was not the person that inflicted the pain in the relationship. It was also a multitude of losses; the death of one of our close friends who was killed in Iraq just months prior to splitting up, the loss of living in a geographically beautiful location (to move home in the dead of winter), the loss of the new friends I had made, the loss of a job I had loved, and the loss of my independence.  Today, I hold no anger toward this event in my life, even though “anger” was the only emotion I allowed myself to feel for a period of time after it happened, in order to move on with my life. It is one of those “glimpses” in time, that you think will NEVER fade away, yet somehow it has managed to practically fade completely away.

At the age of 21/22, I found myself on the brink of a divorce, and moving home with my parents. I had made the quick decision to immediately enroll in college to finish my bachelor’s degree, a dream I had always had. I also found myself quickly making new friends, anything to get my mind distracted and off of what had just occurred. It was fun to go out, drink, and just escape life for a bit. I missed moments with my family I am sure, and I missed many other things that I am sure I regret, but at the time, “slowing down” wasn’t an option, because if I slowed down, I’d have to face my feelings.

Sometimes life would suddenly “slow down” right smack dab in front of me, and I found myself unable, just totally incapable of handling my emotions. These were the moments I would call to try to get into the school’s counseling center as soon as possible. I remember one of these moments was the last day of the spring semester right before I was going to graduate. For almost two years, I was in a new relationship with someone I really adored, we broke up a month before my graduation, and life “slowed down”, everything came flooding back to me about the prior relationship, this new relationship, and all of the losses I had endured. I was able to get into the counseling center that day- in which they did a depression screen on me. I must have failed horribly at the screen, because it was recommended that I see the psychiatrist to discuss prescription medication. The psychiatrist got the most brief run down you can imagine of everything that had occurred over the past 4 years, and how I had been handling it. He was rushing and appeared to be in a huge hurry himself, as I was his last appointment of the semester right before summer break. I was given (what I like to refer to as) a “tricker treat” bag of psychiatric medication samples. “You can try this one because you aren’t sleeping”, “but if that doesn’t work, try this one because you aren’t eating”, and “if those aren’t helping your mood, discontinue those, especially when your appetite returns, and try this one”. I put the bag in my car, and never tried a single pill. But somehow, I got through it. Like I mentioned before, we are all different the way we handle things. I think the bag of pills was my biggest eye opener in realizing, wow, I am not THAT bad off to be needing all these medications, I can most certainly handle this on my own.  I left with more determination than ever to fight whatever had come over me.

My most recent “bit” occurred this year, just before Christmas. Isn’t it strange how things always happen right before Christmas? Well at least in my family they do: the first relationship ended right before Christmas, a year later, my grandfather had quadruple bypass surgery (which is normally pretty routine), but his liver and kidneys began to fail shortly after surgery, we thought we would all be saying our goodbyes to him, but after spending over a month at the hospital, he miraculously pulled through. A year after that, my niece (age 6) suffered a stroke right before Christmas, and lastly, I endured a painful event this past year right before Christmas. Something I never expected, all while starting a brand new job, and being 3 months pregnant.

Ironically, last winter, I got married. I was so determined to have a winter wedding, I wanted some sort of magically happy memory to remember and celebrate during the winter season.

When I hear songs on the radio, sometimes I might burst into tears, and it’s not “poor me” tears, these are the real tears that come from deep down within. When I see certain things or someone says something to me, there are times I just feel like telling them how I feel, or snapping. It is my true reaction to how I am feeling. I know that crying 24/7 does no good for my soul, but in a way there are times it feels great. I can’t help but be more aware of what my body needs, what my emotions need in order to recover, in order to heal. It is a lot of “trial and error” figuring out what is too much, and when it’s necessary.  Just as it did no good for the child who cried the entire day over their spilled milk, it does me no good to cry all day over my own struggles as well, but it also does no good to brush over the spilled milk ,ignore it, and make a joke about it. I learned that much earlier when I found myself on the stoop of that counseling center on the last day of the semester, leaving with a bag of pills.

What I rely on a lot currently, which may work for some and maybe not for others is: my faith. I don’t ask God why, I ask him how. How does he want this event to change me for the better, how does he want to use this in his work, how can I become better from this? “Guide me to what you would like to use me for in the tragic time that I am going through”.

Again, as I don’t believe “time heals” but I do believe time “eases some pains”, the pains aren’t as sharp as they were that first day… but there is still the presence of pain.

We all heal differently, we all respond differently; we all find our own way out of our sorrows, struggles differently. What is the best balance for you? What was one smallest thing you’ve tried that just seemed to ease things even in the slightest? Sometimes we have to refer to that inner child- what worked for us when we responded like_____ in the past? What didn’t work? And sometimes just not thinking at all, and just being okay with “feeling the pain” for some time is all we can do until we can begin to think again after the numbing has worn off.

I have been through a lot in 29 years, but I am learning to cope…