Before and After- a physical and mental journey...

How I gained weight...

 

I haven’t always been “fit” or “in shape” and if you certainly looked at me right now (currently 6 months pregnant), I really don’t look like either of these pictures!

However, the difference between now and then is that I am more conscious of my health. How, you might ask, did I make the change? I guess it started with this feeling of “I must do something”! I never felt so tired, run down, and out of shape- when you see me in my “before” picture.

In 2008 I was running, I was taking classes at the gym (my favorite being Turbo Kick), and eating fairly well. I didn’t lift any weights, mainly did cardio workouts. In 2010 my weight started to slowly creep up as I stopped working out, and started eating bad foods. By 2011 I was at my highest weight ever. I knew I needed to do SOMETHING, but what that something was, I wasn’t sure. I knew it had to be different then what I was doing before because I obviously got bored with that. 

What I decided to do...

I decided to try the at home version of my favorite class at the gym Turbo Kick, but the program for the home version was Turbo Jam made by Beachbody. You know, Beachbody? The company that has all those infomercials for P90X, Insanity, T25, etc.? Well, I knew a lady who was a Beachbody coach, so I reached out to her for support. I ended up with a challenge pack (Turbo Jam combined with a 30 day supply of Shakeology). On 11/11/11, I joined a private facebook group with 3 other ladies committing to 90 days of an at-home program, eating clean, and Shakeology (by Beachbody). The support from my coach, and the other women in the group was what really pushed me to stick with it. I am not going to proclaim there is some “magic” ingredient in Shakeology that makes you shed tons of weight instantly… but it really helped me STAY on track. It was super yummy, filling, and it gave me all the vitamins and energy I needed for the day. I read about the “super food” ingredients in it, and did some of the math. If I were to purchase the supplements that were in Shakeology separately at a Whole Foods store, I would be paying thousands of dollars. I knew it was doing something for me!

At the end of the 90 days, I lost weight. If you must know the number I think it was around 25 lbs. (and more in the months after that). More importantly, I had energy, my clothes fit better, I had more confidence, and I had created HABITS! Working out was just part of my daily routine. I didn’t think twice about it, I didn’t dread it as much as I used to. I am not going to lie, there were still days I was like “do I HAVE to?!” those were the days I would write in my support group on facebook and the ladies would remind me how good I usually feel after I work out, and to do it for myself… always motivating and encouraging me. 

New Habits, Not Quitting... 

So I didn’t just stop at 90 days… I was so motivated I wanted to try a new program from Beachbody, something that challenged me a little more. What I really loved was working out at home. I didn't have to worry about what I looked, pay a gym membership, and I could take things at my own pace. I was comfortable.  I decided to try Turbo Fire. Half way into Turbo Fire, I became certified to teach Turbo Kick at gyms. I started teaching locally at a high school gym, moved on to renting a dance room at a local ice arena to teach privately, and then finally getting hired at our local YMCA. Somewhere in between, I decided to try ANOTHER program by Beachbody… ChaLEAN Extreme. This is when I really started to change some of my body composition and began toning and noticed toned arms, legs, abs, HOLY COW! I never knew my body was capable of that! I was always scared in the past of getting “Bulky” but what a MYTH that is!!!! Muscle burns fat. Muscle makes you have a faster metabolisim. Having muscle= burning more calories sitting around then if you have no muscle.

With my journey teaching at the Y, I incorporated weights and strength training into the Turbo Kick class, and it was called “Kick and Pump” (30 minutes of Turbo Kick, 30 minutes of strength). I think my decision to teach, and become a Beachbody coach was because I TRULY believed in what I was doing. I knew that if I could do it, anyone can do it. I never had a negative thing to say about ANY of the products I had ordered from Beachbody, and gaining what I did from doing their programs ( a new “side” career, a new “life”, a new “confidence”, a heart to give back to others what I had learned). I wanted to motivate and inspire just like my coach had done for me.

My next two ventures were getting my Group Exercise Certification from the Y, and then getting certified in PiYo Strength (another AWESOME program by the creator of Turbo Kick).   I went from teaching two classes at the Y to 5 classes… 2 boot camps, 1 PiYo, and 2 Kick and Pump classes! I can't say enough about teaching at the Y... creating friendships and relationships while people are reaching their goals, and making classes FUN, was more rewarding than any weight loss I EVER had!

I went from being a non-runner, to training for a half marathon. I went from running 11 minute miles to 8 minute miles.

Disclaimer!

One thing I want to clarify- these programs and shakes are not a "magic pill" that instantly make you slim/ or fit... what they were for me will be different for you. They were a starting point for me, that got me to where I am today. The biggest help was the support I received online from my coach. Also, there are programs/ fitness plans that work for everyone- you have to find what you love... and I can help with that too if you would like! Not everyone will love Turbo Fire... find what works for you as a starting point. Something not SOOOO challenging that you will want to quit after a week.

Who's Next?? 

I could go on and on about everything I have gained, but it’s really not about me anymore. I want to pass on my knowledge and motivation to others who need it. It is now YOUR chance to make the changes you want to make, and it doesn’t have to occupy your entire life, it doesn’t mean having to spend HOURS in the gym, or spending a TON of money. 

I may not be the epitome of being in the best shape or eating the greatest at the present moment, but I have been able to keep some of my fitness routines for the most part during this pregnancy, and have been eating as good as I can. I am ready to re-commit post-baby, and use the tools I know I already have. So even though at the present time, I am not at my “best”, I still have all the tools you will need to reach your goals. Just a side note… my coach during the 90 day challenge was ALSO pregnant when I hit all my goals!

Reach out to me on FB- or email: palmpost02@gmail.com

Pregnancy Fitness... My Journey 5 months in...

Where I started

Prior to my pregnancy I was very active. I was not at my ideal weight, but at a comfortable weight that I was able to maintain easily. I am really not one to focus on the number on the scale though anyway (not anymore). My activity consisted of teaching 2 Boot Camps per week, teaching 2 Kick & Pump Classes per week, and 1 evening of PiYo Strength. Those really were my workouts as there really wasn't time for much more except an outdoor run about twice per week (I was training for a half marathon). 

I found out I was pregnant about two weeks prior to the half marathon I was training for. I went back and forth with running the half marathon, right up until the morning of the event. My doctor had approved me to run (over the phone), and that made me nervous. I have never been pregnant before, and my longest run was just over 10 miles (the half marathon is 13.1). So the morning of the half marathon came, and I was all dressed and ready to go. I got in the car and was en route to pick up my running partner. Half way there, I realized I forgot my race # bib at home. I took that as a sign that I shouldn't run, and tearfully drove back home. I cried the entire day. It wasn't about the money I had spent or that I wasn't thankful to be pregnant, it was all the time and training I had poured into the event, it was a goal I had set months and months before, and crossing that finish line, earning that finishing medal was now just something I felt I had thrown out the window. In fact, that summer... I had ran one of my best 5K's, I just felt like I was on a roll with hitting some wonderful running goals! 

I continued to teach classes, but with the exhaustion the first trimester brought and the dry heaving and nausea, I reduced my schedule and stopped teaching the boot camps. I also stopped running for the most part. 

My doctor assured me I could continue with the same activity level I had prior to becoming pregnant, but I didn't realize that it wasn't just that "easy" to continue with what I was doing before. I had always envisioned a really REALLY healthy pregnancy, continuing to eat a really clean diet, continuing with my activity level, etc. But that wasn't a decision I could make, it was a decision my body had to make and then tell my brain what I felt like doing. I think the eating was the hardest part. So many "healthy" foods I ate before- salads, scrambled eggs with egg whites and spinach, turkey burgers, veggie burgers, sweet potatoes, all made me want to vomit. I had to eat what I could manage and what sounded okay (they weren't cravings, just things that sounded better than anything else): cereal, anything bread related, and multiple dinners consisted of: pizza or mac and cheese! UGH. Things I NEVER ate prior to being pregnant. 

A Minor Setback...

Just as I was hitting the second trimester and starting to feel better, I had an emotional setback. I was starting a brand new job, which I was extremely excited about... but something in my personal life popped up that I never expected, and put me out of commission for awhile. So much to the point of having to give up teaching classes. It's so strange how one event can change your life so dramatically. I probably went a good three weeks without working out (at least)! 

Where I am now...

Slowly, as the healing process began in my personal life... I felt well enough to begin working out again. I knew I wouldn't be able to pick up where I was prior to my pregnancy, but I could continue to be active. 

I workout when I feel up to it, and some days, I make a point of working out even when I don't feel up to it, because it actually HELPS me with the fatigue... I end up feeling 100 times better after I workout. 

My workouts are no more than 1 hour, but most of them are 30 minutes. I alternate between treadmill walk/ jogs for 30 minutes (once a week or every other week), a 30 minute turbo kick cardio workout at home, a 30 minute "pregnancy" workout at home (a dvd I purchased from Target that also incorporates weights), and one of my favorites 30 minutes of Turbo Sculpt or Turbo Tone (this DVD utilizes a resistance band with medium resistance). I modify some of the moves so I can stay comfortable during every workout. I am no longer doing any "floor ab work" as protocol after the first trimester. But guess what? There are still things you can do for your abs during the second and third trimester, which are safe for you and baby! 

My eating still is not perfect. Of course, I always think about the nutrients I am giving to the baby... but I am also not pregnant every day. If I indulge every once in awhile on a slice of pizza, I don't beat myself up about. I do the best I can. I especially pay attention to getting enough water! 

Where I want to go...

I have no "fitness goal" for my pregnancy, although keeping some of the definition I worked so hard to get in my arms over the past 2 years would be a nice bonus. All I really care about is that I have a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby boy come June. I will workout until my body says I shouldn't or my doctor tells me I shouldn't. I never "over do it", and listen really well to my body when I am working out. 

My goal is to use the exercise to help me a little with the labor process, the BIGGEST physical test of time my body will go through. Maybe it'll help me get back into exercising a little easier post pregnancy? Who knows?

And guess what?? Holding that baby at the end of the BIGGEST physical test my body will go through will be MUCH more worth it than any half marathon medal I could have earned!!!

“I’ve been through quite a bit in 29 short years”

Before you begin to read this blog post, I have to throw out my disclaimer. By no means is this a “pity post” to exclaim “poor me, look at everything I’ve gone through”, nor is it a comparison to what anyone else has gone through in their life. We all have our share of struggles, pain, hardship, and sorrow… all which are handled through individually. As a Social Worker, I know that our experiences are all relative to how we perceive them. For example; two children spill their milk at lunch time, one child quietly cries in the corner and is remorseful, while the other child laughs and makes jokes about it. There is no right or wrong to either scenario. It’s the capacity to which I believe is built into our personality (which can be partially genetic and partially environmentally learned) which then leads us to how we respond. Of course, as we become older we have a “choice” as to how we respond to negative situations… but still a part of which we were when we were younger and how we responded to those situations still exists.

So before I divulge into this “quite a bit” part, I must declare what I am thankful for: My health, My wonderful family, a wonderful job, an excellent education, and wonderful friends.

Most of my “quite a bit” has occurred over the past 10 years. I really will not go into great detail as to what these things are, but can provide a general sense (enough so it will make you understand where I am today, and what I am trying to do with some of these “bits”). I just don’t feel that a blog post that is available to anyone’s viewing pleasure is the place to get “too personal”.  Like I mentioned, these “bits” have occurred over the past 10 years… I have had a wonderful childhood in a very functional and loving family, and School for the most part was fine (no complaints).

So if you have done the math, age 19 really began a whole new world of learning for me. I learned how to live on my own (not so successfully). I don’t think I was quite ready to be completely on my own, and especially married at that age, and living 15 hours away from home. I somehow became lost in a world that I had no idea how to function in. I found a job that I did enjoy, but cleaning and keeping a house just was not my thing. I was no “June Cleaver” by any means. I was also not a slob. In comparison to some of the houses I had been in of other couples I associated myself with, our house was not so bad. However, my relationship was extremely bad. It was the kind of toxic relationship that you know you should have left practically when it started. You name it, it happened to me (or us rather). When the relationship finally ended, I (of course) was upset, but it wasn’t just a loss of a relationship for me, it was a sense of failure (that I had done something wrong), even though on the contrary, I was not the person that inflicted the pain in the relationship. It was also a multitude of losses; the death of one of our close friends who was killed in Iraq just months prior to splitting up, the loss of living in a geographically beautiful location (to move home in the dead of winter), the loss of the new friends I had made, the loss of a job I had loved, and the loss of my independence.  Today, I hold no anger toward this event in my life, even though “anger” was the only emotion I allowed myself to feel for a period of time after it happened, in order to move on with my life. It is one of those “glimpses” in time, that you think will NEVER fade away, yet somehow it has managed to practically fade completely away.

At the age of 21/22, I found myself on the brink of a divorce, and moving home with my parents. I had made the quick decision to immediately enroll in college to finish my bachelor’s degree, a dream I had always had. I also found myself quickly making new friends, anything to get my mind distracted and off of what had just occurred. It was fun to go out, drink, and just escape life for a bit. I missed moments with my family I am sure, and I missed many other things that I am sure I regret, but at the time, “slowing down” wasn’t an option, because if I slowed down, I’d have to face my feelings.

Sometimes life would suddenly “slow down” right smack dab in front of me, and I found myself unable, just totally incapable of handling my emotions. These were the moments I would call to try to get into the school’s counseling center as soon as possible. I remember one of these moments was the last day of the spring semester right before I was going to graduate. For almost two years, I was in a new relationship with someone I really adored, we broke up a month before my graduation, and life “slowed down”, everything came flooding back to me about the prior relationship, this new relationship, and all of the losses I had endured. I was able to get into the counseling center that day- in which they did a depression screen on me. I must have failed horribly at the screen, because it was recommended that I see the psychiatrist to discuss prescription medication. The psychiatrist got the most brief run down you can imagine of everything that had occurred over the past 4 years, and how I had been handling it. He was rushing and appeared to be in a huge hurry himself, as I was his last appointment of the semester right before summer break. I was given (what I like to refer to as) a “tricker treat” bag of psychiatric medication samples. “You can try this one because you aren’t sleeping”, “but if that doesn’t work, try this one because you aren’t eating”, and “if those aren’t helping your mood, discontinue those, especially when your appetite returns, and try this one”. I put the bag in my car, and never tried a single pill. But somehow, I got through it. Like I mentioned before, we are all different the way we handle things. I think the bag of pills was my biggest eye opener in realizing, wow, I am not THAT bad off to be needing all these medications, I can most certainly handle this on my own.  I left with more determination than ever to fight whatever had come over me.

My most recent “bit” occurred this year, just before Christmas. Isn’t it strange how things always happen right before Christmas? Well at least in my family they do: the first relationship ended right before Christmas, a year later, my grandfather had quadruple bypass surgery (which is normally pretty routine), but his liver and kidneys began to fail shortly after surgery, we thought we would all be saying our goodbyes to him, but after spending over a month at the hospital, he miraculously pulled through. A year after that, my niece (age 6) suffered a stroke right before Christmas, and lastly, I endured a painful event this past year right before Christmas. Something I never expected, all while starting a brand new job, and being 3 months pregnant.

Ironically, last winter, I got married. I was so determined to have a winter wedding, I wanted some sort of magically happy memory to remember and celebrate during the winter season.

When I hear songs on the radio, sometimes I might burst into tears, and it’s not “poor me” tears, these are the real tears that come from deep down within. When I see certain things or someone says something to me, there are times I just feel like telling them how I feel, or snapping. It is my true reaction to how I am feeling. I know that crying 24/7 does no good for my soul, but in a way there are times it feels great. I can’t help but be more aware of what my body needs, what my emotions need in order to recover, in order to heal. It is a lot of “trial and error” figuring out what is too much, and when it’s necessary.  Just as it did no good for the child who cried the entire day over their spilled milk, it does me no good to cry all day over my own struggles as well, but it also does no good to brush over the spilled milk ,ignore it, and make a joke about it. I learned that much earlier when I found myself on the stoop of that counseling center on the last day of the semester, leaving with a bag of pills.

What I rely on a lot currently, which may work for some and maybe not for others is: my faith. I don’t ask God why, I ask him how. How does he want this event to change me for the better, how does he want to use this in his work, how can I become better from this? “Guide me to what you would like to use me for in the tragic time that I am going through”.

Again, as I don’t believe “time heals” but I do believe time “eases some pains”, the pains aren’t as sharp as they were that first day… but there is still the presence of pain.

We all heal differently, we all respond differently; we all find our own way out of our sorrows, struggles differently. What is the best balance for you? What was one smallest thing you’ve tried that just seemed to ease things even in the slightest? Sometimes we have to refer to that inner child- what worked for us when we responded like_____ in the past? What didn’t work? And sometimes just not thinking at all, and just being okay with “feeling the pain” for some time is all we can do until we can begin to think again after the numbing has worn off.

I have been through a lot in 29 years, but I am learning to cope…